Blog #1: post one or more comments, that you received from your peers during conferencing, that you thought were especially helpful (praise or criticism), and what you changed about your story, based on those comments.
“Personally, Anderson doesn’t seem like the type of guy to admit he’s jealous. Maybe you could show his jealousy without him outright stating it.”
This comment was especially helpful to me because it helped me to realize something about the way my character’s and my narrator’s voices clash. My third-person narrator’s goal is to highlight my character’s incompetence (and his other flaws), while my character aspires to present himself as a flawless politician. As a result, this paragraph, in which my character acknowledged his own jealousy, didn’t work; this was because my narrator, not my character, is the one who would be more likely to point out this imperfection. I altered the wording in the revised sentence to indicate that Anderson attempted to ignore his jealousy, rather than simply feeling it, in order to accurately characterize Anderson’s reaction.
Additionally, one of my peers said (out loud, not in a written comment) that she enjoyed the humorous tone of my piece, especially where the narration pokes fun at politicians. So in my revisions, I included more jokes like that; I combed through the narration until I found spots where I’d either (a) missed an opportunity for a joke or (b) written one that wasn’t particularly funny. Then I revised the lines until they matched the caliber of the humorous sentences that my peer complimented.
A comment that really helped me was when someone in my group said that I should talk more about Ira's parents' divorce. I touched on it briefly and talked about how Ira felt about it, but I never really thought of doing anything big with it. This has given me a lot to think about!
"I agree the narrator shows strong dislike for America, but this part seems a little inconsistent with the tone of the whole passage." "why are they starring? what causes the stares?" "I definitely enjoy how the story is being told so far. Not quotes, but this is happening to that." "Really shows what the characters were always thinking and their natural reaction to things." -For my story, I added more dialogue and explanation of why things are happening and what led up to them and how it is related to the rest of the story.
"This is a little repetitive and I wish you would show me she's embarrassed instead of just telling me." I had details in the beginning of my story but towards the climax I didn't have a lot of details. I think this was useful because it allowed me to add more details and also realize how little details I had. I think adding more details will make my story more interesting and flow a lot better.
"The imagery is a little unclear but I think that works with the story because it gives a sense like impulse"
This comment was especially helpful to me because although I was trying to incorporate elements of impulsion, I also wanted to showcase that clearly. This comment helped me realize and visualize the flaws in the narration.
"You can empathize with the reader, and that allows us into a window of what he thinks"
This piece of praise made me realize that readers are most likely to enjoy pieces if they see some aspect of themselves in the piece. This makes me want to change some aspects of the plot, to put the character in a place most students would be in and have them react to stuff in that setting.
I got very helpful feedback. One of my main issues was executing the first person narrating, because I've never written a story in that perspective. I thought it would've been easier but it was difficult to execute the feelings and describin the character. I was told that I should put a little bit more umph for my character description and hint at my character's main problem is. I was given feedback that my character seemed like an alchoholic who feels bad for himself, and thats not the case, so I should change my character's attitude too, cause thats not what I planned for my character to be viewed as.
"Show more, tell less. Much of your first paragraph can be shown through dialogue, instead of narration."
Before, I thought I was showing instead of telling, but this comment showed me that I was doing a bad job of it. In addition, it let me go back over what I had written and turn it into a dialogue between the mother and the son. Doing so let me open up the story even more.
I was told that while there were moments of third person omniscient as I attempted, it wasn't necessarily as clear as it should be to make the characters all well-rounded. This was useful to me and it still is because it prompted me to shape the story in a wider sense to other characters, as well. I don't think I've done everything I can, though, so I still want to work on that. Another thing was making my main character, the one I created, more of that character that I wrote a blurb about. He didn't come through as clearly in the story, so I added more idiosyncrasies and manners of speech as opposed to just characterizing him through his thoughts.
The most helpful piece of feedback was "This is amazing!!! The character is so amazingly written I would as you said just pick a plot. Maybe it could actually just be a conflict with herself like the whole thing could be here going about her day but the only other character we hear is the other part of her head". This helped me because it made me feel great and feel confident with my writing, and also helped me figure out how to go about plot and helped me think of several ways to go about it, along with helping me decide what kind of narration to do the rest of the story in.
"I would also love if I could see a more gradual change in Alex." This comment was very helpful because upon reading it, I realized that my writing seemed somewhat rushed and unrealistic. Through creating a more gradual transition for my character, I was able t learn more about him and develop him further.
One comment I received that was very helpful was a comment about not bluntly saying how my character feels, but rather show it using imagery and more details.
"1. I think the plot is fine, just would be better if you added some dialogue or filled in a bit more about what Clarence was feeling or more description of maybe how or what exactly changed about him besides his obvious physical appearance. 2.I understand the character. 3.The narrator has a clear voice. 4.The ending was well written." This comment gave me multiple insights on what I can do to improve my story, because he said there was too much dialogue, I have figured out that I should take out narration and add dialogue.
I was told, in the most gentle and respectful way, that I do a little more telling than Showing. upon further examination, this seems true, and I intend to remove direct emotional descriptions.
The most helpful feedback I got was to make sure that I showcase my narrator's views through his actions rather then just descriptions or statements. I think the small gestures he makes say more about him then his words.
The most helpful feedback I got was to make sure that I showcase my narrator's views through his actions rather then just descriptions or statements. I think the small gestures he makes say more about him then his words.
"Why does the character need to feel cocky about who he is as a person" This comment made me realized how underdeveloped my character is and how I really haven't understood him yet. Furthermore, the situation I placed him further drives my character into a bland character that does not really have progression to his image. With this, I am going to reevaluate this character and try to understand him more. I think maybe if I try to put make him the narrator instead of another character, then not only would I be able to hear his thoughts, but also go further into how he reacts to certain situations.
"I like that Steven is self-centered/confident and yet he has a bully!", this was my favorite comment because this reader truly understood what I was talking about. Furthermore in my story I try to show how Steven really acts and how he feels without spilling his thoughts, at first it may be awkward because it takes a few times to read and actually understand whats going on in Stevens life and to understand glimpse of whats going on in his head. Not everything will be good on some peoples plate much like Stevens scenario right now.
“Personally, Anderson doesn’t seem like the type of guy to admit he’s jealous. Maybe you could show his jealousy without him outright stating it.”
ReplyDeleteThis comment was especially helpful to me because it helped me to realize something about the way my character’s and my narrator’s voices clash. My third-person narrator’s goal is to highlight my character’s incompetence (and his other flaws), while my character aspires to present himself as a flawless politician. As a result, this paragraph, in which my character acknowledged his own jealousy, didn’t work; this was because my narrator, not my character, is the one who would be more likely to point out this imperfection. I altered the wording in the revised sentence to indicate that Anderson attempted to ignore his jealousy, rather than simply feeling it, in order to accurately characterize Anderson’s reaction.
Additionally, one of my peers said (out loud, not in a written comment) that she enjoyed the humorous tone of my piece, especially where the narration pokes fun at politicians. So in my revisions, I included more jokes like that; I combed through the narration until I found spots where I’d either (a) missed an opportunity for a joke or (b) written one that wasn’t particularly funny. Then I revised the lines until they matched the caliber of the humorous sentences that my peer complimented.
A comment that really helped me was when someone in my group said that I should talk more about Ira's parents' divorce. I touched on it briefly and talked about how Ira felt about it, but I never really thought of doing anything big with it. This has given me a lot to think about!
ReplyDelete"I agree the narrator shows strong dislike for America, but this part seems a little inconsistent with the tone of the whole passage." "why are they starring? what causes the stares?"
ReplyDelete"I definitely enjoy how the story is being told so far. Not quotes, but this is happening to that."
"Really shows what the characters were always thinking and their natural reaction to things."
-For my story, I added more dialogue and explanation of why things are happening and what led up to them and how it is related to the rest of the story.
"This is a little repetitive and I wish you would show me she's embarrassed instead of just telling me." I had details in the beginning of my story but towards the climax I didn't have a lot of details. I think this was useful because it allowed me to add more details and also realize how little details I had. I think adding more details will make my story more interesting and flow a lot better.
ReplyDelete"The imagery is a little unclear but I think that works with the story because it gives a sense like impulse"
ReplyDeleteThis comment was especially helpful to me because although I was trying to incorporate elements of impulsion, I also wanted to showcase that clearly. This comment helped me realize and visualize the flaws in the narration.
"You can empathize with the reader, and that allows us into a window of what he thinks"
ReplyDeleteThis piece of praise made me realize that readers are most likely to enjoy pieces if they see some aspect of themselves in the piece. This makes me want to change some aspects of the plot, to put the character in a place most students would be in and have them react to stuff in that setting.
I got very helpful feedback. One of my main issues was executing the first person narrating, because I've never written a story in that perspective. I thought it would've been easier but it was difficult to execute the feelings and describin the character. I was told that I should put a little bit more umph for my character description and hint at my character's main problem is. I was given feedback that my character seemed like an alchoholic who feels bad for himself, and thats not the case, so I should change my character's attitude too, cause thats not what I planned for my character to be viewed as.
ReplyDelete"Show more, tell less. Much of your first paragraph can be shown through dialogue, instead of narration."
ReplyDeleteBefore, I thought I was showing instead of telling, but this comment showed me that I was doing a bad job of it. In addition, it let me go back over what I had written and turn it into a dialogue between the mother and the son. Doing so let me open up the story even more.
I was told that while there were moments of third person omniscient as I attempted, it wasn't necessarily as clear as it should be to make the characters all well-rounded. This was useful to me and it still is because it prompted me to shape the story in a wider sense to other characters, as well. I don't think I've done everything I can, though, so I still want to work on that. Another thing was making my main character, the one I created, more of that character that I wrote a blurb about. He didn't come through as clearly in the story, so I added more idiosyncrasies and manners of speech as opposed to just characterizing him through his thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletereceived very helpful feedback. I was told to add more details, such as a cow.
ReplyDeleteThis was helpful because more details are always good. Throughout the week I added more details, and I did add a cow.
The most helpful piece of feedback was "This is amazing!!! The character is so amazingly written I would as you said just pick a plot. Maybe it could actually just be a conflict with herself like the whole thing could be here going about her day but the only other character we hear is the other part of her head". This helped me because it made me feel great and feel confident with my writing, and also helped me figure out how to go about plot and helped me think of several ways to go about it, along with helping me decide what kind of narration to do the rest of the story in.
ReplyDelete"I would also love if I could see a more gradual change in Alex."
ReplyDeleteThis comment was very helpful because upon reading it, I realized that my writing seemed somewhat rushed and unrealistic. Through creating a more gradual transition for my character, I was able t learn more about him and develop him further.
One comment I received that was very helpful was a comment about not bluntly saying how my character feels, but rather show it using imagery and more details.
ReplyDelete"1. I think the plot is fine, just would be better if you added some dialogue or filled in a bit more about what Clarence was feeling or more description of maybe how or what exactly changed about him besides his obvious physical appearance.
ReplyDelete2.I understand the character.
3.The narrator has a clear voice.
4.The ending was well written."
This comment gave me multiple insights on what I can do to improve my story, because he said there was too much dialogue, I have figured out that I should take out narration and add dialogue.
The most helpful comment I got suggests me to add more background for my character so that his behavior won't seem so out of place.
ReplyDeleteOne comment that I considered when revising was that I didnt do the best job of balancing background description with the actual, in-the-moment story.
ReplyDeleteI was told, in the most gentle and respectful way, that I do a little more telling than Showing. upon further examination, this seems true, and I intend to remove direct emotional descriptions.
ReplyDeleteThe most helpful feedback I got was to make sure that I showcase my narrator's views through his actions rather then just descriptions or statements. I think the small gestures he makes say more about him then his words.
ReplyDeleteThe most helpful feedback I got was to make sure that I showcase my narrator's views through his actions rather then just descriptions or statements. I think the small gestures he makes say more about him then his words.
ReplyDelete"Why does the character need to feel cocky about who he is as a person"
ReplyDeleteThis comment made me realized how underdeveloped my character is and how I really haven't understood him yet. Furthermore, the situation I placed him further drives my character into a bland character that does not really have progression to his image. With this, I am going to reevaluate this character and try to understand him more. I think maybe if I try to put make him the narrator instead of another character, then not only would I be able to hear his thoughts, but also go further into how he reacts to certain situations.
The most helpful feedback I got was on sentence structure so I was making sense and really developing my characters better.
ReplyDelete"I like that Steven is self-centered/confident and yet he has a bully!", this was my favorite comment because this reader truly understood what I was talking about. Furthermore in my story I try to show how Steven really acts and how he feels without spilling his thoughts, at first it may be awkward because it takes a few times to read and actually understand whats going on in Stevens life and to understand glimpse of whats going on in his head. Not everything will be good on some peoples plate much like Stevens scenario right now.
ReplyDelete