Post at least one piece of praise or constructive criticism you received on your stories, and explain how it was helpful to you, in revising the story.
I used a comment for my final which told me that the "click" sound at the end of my poem was like a camera capturing a moment. So I ran with that concept, and rewrote my poem so that she was taking pictures of her boyfriend in the beginning and at the end. First, she is taking a picture of him and see what he looks like and loving him for that, but by the end she is taking the pictures to capture this moment in which she knows he loves her.
My short story is set in Ancient India, and the stakes of the conflict aren't clear unless the reader is familiar with the caste system. One of my comments was a suggestion that I include a glossary or introduction in which I define some of the terms and explain India's social hierarchy. So I wrote an Author's Note at the beginning, providing the necessary information and giving enough context for the conflict to be clear to a twenty-first century New York reader. I also interspersed the story with more historical details, so that additional information is embedded directly in the narration. Another one of my comments was that I used metaphors well in one particular sentence, so I tried to enhance the metaphoric language throughout the rest of the piece.
For my short story, I received criticism in terms of the development of my character; so, in redrafting the story, I added more detail in who my character is. This makes it easier for the reader to understand why he reacted the way he did to the situation I put him in. Before it might of been confusing because I jumped right in to the story.
My short story was set in New York City. The plot is simple, but throughout the 2nd person narration I drop racial slurs, and deep thoughts. I was not here for comments, since I was absent, but I think I can improve one some of the wording and I can make statements more clear. In addition, I could add a little bit more detail to my character and her background.
One source of praise I recived was that my narrator s voice really shone through the stroy and was a present aspect of the short story. I was also told that my description was really great, but one constructive critique I recived was to try and expand the story before in the beginning and maybe before the climaz so that it all flows a little better. these were helpful because first off it reassured me that when reading the story the naraator's roe wasn't lost and confusing. This also helped because it gave me new ideas it terms of expanding the beginning a little more to fit the whole mood of the story and help it make it maybe a little more of a build up. I also made a decision to not do certain things which helped me figure out what I really wanted with my story.
One source of praise I recived was that my narrator s voice really shone through the stroy and was a present aspect of the short story. I was also told that my description was really great, but one constructive critique I recived was to try and expand the story before in the beginning and maybe before the climaz so that it all flows a little better. these were helpful because first off it reassured me that when reading the story the naraator's roe wasn't lost and confusing. This also helped because it gave me new ideas it terms of expanding the beginning a little more to fit the whole mood of the story and help it make it maybe a little more of a build up. I also made a decision to not do certain things which helped me figure out what I really wanted with my story.
For my Short Story I worked more on my placement of commas. I got a lot of positive feedback like on how real I was being in my story and also how I flourished in detail. I realized that the placement of commas helped my story sound better and the flow was much better.
One really good piece of constructive criticism was whenever the reader got confused they would tell me. I skip in time during my story and they said they were confused on that so if I make time jumps clear or emphasize on the use of them I think it will help my story. I also did get a lot of praise on my ending and my voice coming through which I was hoping for.
A good praise I got was on how I used my second voice. In my story I talk about how Latinas are fetishized. The person told me that because I used second voice I allowed the reader to see what Latinas face everyday because they are sexualized and looked at as an object.
One really good piece of criticism I recieved was to make sure that I was using the same tense throughout my piece. Sometimes you forget the pretty basic stuff. I was also told I should expand on lines that I usually skip, like why exactly my character feels a certain way, no just that she feels that way.
A piece of criticism that was especially useful was that I do a nice job creating vivid imagery and clearly laying out plot. By the positivity of this comment, I am able to focus on other aspects of the story such as Rhu's character development. I also used this praise to enhance my piece even more by adding an additional scene that further portrays Rhu's personality.
A piece of advice that I found particularly helpful was to more evenly integrate the plot of my second-person narrative into the piece. I noticed that at times the passage seemed to take far more of a "how-to" approach while, at others, it read as a typical linear story and made sure to properly combine these two forms.
In my piece, I wrote about the love a mother has for her son. One piece of criticism I received suggested I explore and expose the mother's internal thoughts and mentality further. Using this, I expanded on her internal dialogue throughout the story and dove deeper into who she is as a character.
A piece of praise that I received was that I had strong metaphors and had a powerful sentence structure. This helped me because I was working on extending this motif of loving pain, and it helps me gain ideas how to further execute that. A piece of criticism that I received was to add more plot and develop the second character that the protagonist is talking about more. A specific way was to add in italics flashbacks to actual interactions between the protagonist and the character she speaks about only in metaphor. This really helps me get the image I have of the character out onto paper, and gives me direction for where I want to take the rest of the story.
"At times the plot can be hard to follow, and I think this mainly comes from the sentences being a little lengthy." I think this comment is quite helpful for me to develop my future plot. Because when I start to dive in details and story telling, long sentences will indeed make the readers confused.
For my piece, one comment I received was that there was the lack of a relationship being developed. To improve from this, I attempted to explore more about my narrator's background and why she might feel this way.
I am a little lost in your story. I think it is really good but for the narrative, if it was supposed to be like the library one it is kind of hard to see love or the lack of either directed to the character or other things. I still like the repetition in the story and loneliness is clear but I like the idea.
This comment helped me because it showed me that I veered away from the main assignment, which was to show love. I got caught up in portraying other emotions.
Something that someone told me that really helped me develop my story was to make my descriptions about everything and not just the characters. His really helped me develop more of a plot
I used a comment for my final which told me that the "click" sound at the end of my poem was like a camera capturing a moment. So I ran with that concept, and rewrote my poem so that she was taking pictures of her boyfriend in the beginning and at the end. First, she is taking a picture of him and see what he looks like and loving him for that, but by the end she is taking the pictures to capture this moment in which she knows he loves her.
ReplyDeleteMy short story is set in Ancient India, and the stakes of the conflict aren't clear unless the reader is familiar with the caste system. One of my comments was a suggestion that I include a glossary or introduction in which I define some of the terms and explain India's social hierarchy. So I wrote an Author's Note at the beginning, providing the necessary information and giving enough context for the conflict to be clear to a twenty-first century New York reader. I also interspersed the story with more historical details, so that additional information is embedded directly in the narration. Another one of my comments was that I used metaphors well in one particular sentence, so I tried to enhance the metaphoric language throughout the rest of the piece.
ReplyDeleteFor my short story, I received criticism in terms of the development of my character; so, in redrafting the story, I added more detail in who my character is. This makes it easier for the reader to understand why he reacted the way he did to the situation I put him in. Before it might of been confusing because I jumped right in to the story.
ReplyDeleteMy short story was set in New York City. The plot is simple, but throughout the 2nd person narration I drop racial slurs, and deep thoughts. I was not here for comments, since I was absent, but I think I can improve one some of the wording and I can make statements more clear. In addition, I could add a little bit more detail to my character and her background.
ReplyDeleteOne source of praise I recived was that my narrator
ReplyDeletes voice really shone through the stroy and was a present aspect of the short story. I was also told that my description was really great, but one constructive critique I recived was to try and expand the story before in the beginning and maybe before the climaz so that it all flows a little better. these were helpful because first off it reassured me that when reading the story the naraator's roe wasn't lost and confusing. This also helped because it gave me new ideas it terms of expanding the beginning a little more to fit the whole mood of the story and help it make it maybe a little more of a build up. I also made a decision to not do certain things which helped me figure out what I really wanted with my story.
One source of praise I recived was that my narrator
ReplyDeletes voice really shone through the stroy and was a present aspect of the short story. I was also told that my description was really great, but one constructive critique I recived was to try and expand the story before in the beginning and maybe before the climaz so that it all flows a little better. these were helpful because first off it reassured me that when reading the story the naraator's roe wasn't lost and confusing. This also helped because it gave me new ideas it terms of expanding the beginning a little more to fit the whole mood of the story and help it make it maybe a little more of a build up. I also made a decision to not do certain things which helped me figure out what I really wanted with my story.
For my Short Story I worked more on my placement of commas. I got a lot of positive feedback like on how real I was being in my story and also how I flourished in detail. I realized that the placement of commas helped my story sound better and the flow was much better.
ReplyDeleteOne really good piece of constructive criticism was whenever the reader got confused they would tell me. I skip in time during my story and they said they were confused on that so if I make time jumps clear or emphasize on the use of them I think it will help my story. I also did get a lot of praise on my ending and my voice coming through which I was hoping for.
ReplyDeleteA good praise I got was on how I used my second voice. In my story I talk about how Latinas are fetishized. The person told me that because I used second voice I allowed the reader to see what Latinas face everyday because they are sexualized and looked at as an object.
ReplyDeleteOne really good piece of criticism I recieved was to make sure that I was using the same tense throughout my piece. Sometimes you forget the pretty basic stuff. I was also told I should expand on lines that I usually skip, like why exactly my character feels a certain way, no just that she feels that way.
ReplyDeleteA piece of criticism that was especially useful was that I do a nice job creating vivid imagery and clearly laying out plot. By the positivity of this comment, I am able to focus on other aspects of the story such as Rhu's character development. I also used this praise to enhance my piece even more by adding an additional scene that further portrays Rhu's personality.
ReplyDeleteA piece of advice that I found particularly helpful was to more evenly integrate the plot of my second-person narrative into the piece. I noticed that at times the passage seemed to take far more of a "how-to" approach while, at others, it read as a typical linear story and made sure to properly combine these two forms.
ReplyDeleteIn my piece, I wrote about the love a mother has for her son. One piece of criticism I received suggested I explore and expose the mother's internal thoughts and mentality further. Using this, I expanded on her internal dialogue throughout the story and dove deeper into who she is as a character.
ReplyDeleteA piece of praise that I received was that I had strong metaphors and had a powerful sentence structure. This helped me because I was working on extending this motif of loving pain, and it helps me gain ideas how to further execute that. A piece of criticism that I received was to add more plot and develop the second character that the protagonist is talking about more. A specific way was to add in italics flashbacks to actual interactions between the protagonist and the character she speaks about only in metaphor. This really helps me get the image I have of the character out onto paper, and gives me direction for where I want to take the rest of the story.
ReplyDelete"At times the plot can be hard to follow, and I think this mainly comes from the sentences being a little lengthy."
ReplyDeleteI think this comment is quite helpful for me to develop my future plot. Because when I start to dive in details and story telling, long sentences will indeed make the readers confused.
For my piece, one comment I received was that there was the lack of a relationship being developed. To improve from this, I attempted to explore more about my narrator's background and why she might feel this way.
ReplyDeleteI am a little lost in your story. I think it is really good but for the narrative, if it was supposed to be like the library one it is kind of hard to see love or the lack of either directed to the character or other things. I still like the repetition in the story and loneliness is clear but I like the idea.
ReplyDeleteThis comment helped me because it showed me that I veered away from the main assignment, which was to show love. I got caught up in portraying other emotions.
Something that someone told me that really helped me develop my story was to make my descriptions about everything and not just the characters. His really helped me develop more of a plot
ReplyDelete