Revise your pantoums or villanelles, using your peers’ feedback; they do not need to remain in those forms, if you want to expand or change them entirely
Blog #4: like before, post a piece of feedback that your partner gave you, either praise or criticism about the poem, and explain how it helped you to revise your piece.
Two of my peers said that my poem, which is about my childhood visits to Canada, read like memories of their own, even though they had never been to the country. Another one of my peers (who grew up in Canada) related to the details in my poem. This positive feedback helped me to realize my poem's strength -- the specificity of the moments. So in my revisions, I focused on making sure that every detail in the poem had the same level of extreme specificity (and, therefore, the same ability to transport the reader).
ReplyDeleteMy peers told me that sometimes my writing can come across as a bit cliche and that also I write a lot from the same genre, so it has helped me to learn how to develop my poem so that it can be more complex and engaging. I also got positive feedback that they like hot I turn objects into actually life forms and that helped me to know that it made sense when I would use personification on certain objects, and that it wasn't extra.
ReplyDeleteOne of my peers said "This poem is extremely strong and sends a clear message. I love how you translated your anger into a poem because it didn't fell synthetic or fake" I found this comment very useful because my poem was more of a rant, but I didn't think it worked well but with this comment it help me realize that it.
ReplyDeleteOne of my peers said though some of the lines in my villanelle were vague, this actually allowed for the reader to interpret it in different ways that appeal most to them. This vagueness was intentional, and the comment reassured me that my message of the poem still came through and that it wasn't confusing for the reader. There was also small criticisms on my rhyme scheme, which I plan on fixing.
ReplyDeleteTwo of my peers commented on the flow of my poem. They said that a lot of my lines were long with out punctuation, because of this the mood of the poem is ruined. This was super helpful to be, my first task to tackle during revision will be flow.
ReplyDeleteOne of the people at my table said that they liked that they could feel the emotion in my poem and that I was able to be very descriptive in few words. Some of my poem's parts were also cliche and that I should play more with the idea of young love
ReplyDeleteMy peers mostly gave me positive comments on the realism of my scenario and the flow. However they said I should work on my comma placement and cut run-ons so this would help my flow be better and support the emphasis each line implies! Thanks! Tots Ziens!
ReplyDeleteOne comment my peers gave to me was how to make my poem more interactive to the reader. I then tried to incorporate elements that made it sound like I was actually talking directly to the readers, which I think made it a stronger poem overall.
ReplyDeleteMy peers all gave me comments on the imagery in my poem which was really nice to here because I really focused on imagery in my poem. I think to make it stronger I will emphasize more on the imagery in my poem to make visuals stronger.
ReplyDeleteWhat really helped me develop my poem was to keep the imagery and rhythm but work more on making sure the message is clear to the reader by keeping it simple. So i thought of making it rhyme to make it a little more simple since that really forces a person to tell the message using as little words as possible.
ReplyDeleteOne of the comments i received was: "the poem displays emotions that everyone can relate too and it has a really clear imagery. I really like this poem and I feel like this is one of the poems that you can read many times but never get bored of it." I thought the poem did not have imagery it was just stating how a person felt at a particular time period, but to see that other people were able to create this image in their heads were good.
ReplyDeleteA comment I got was "I can totally imagine this in my head. Reminds me of the 'wall' trump wants to build which could possibly split up a love story... idk something to think about". I really like that people are able to have their own interpretation of the poem. I also see these interpretations, even though when I was writing the poem, I intentionally only wrote it with one purpose.
ReplyDeleteA comment I received that I found especially helpful was, "I like this line because it gives you the idea that it was sweet in the beginning making a statement about choices and the consequences." This reminded me to tie the poem together and ultimately make the poem come in full circle. I liked the feedback and the reader's interpretation about consequences which I then incorporated in my last stanzas.
ReplyDeleteA comment I got that was really helpful was that I created really strong starting lines so when they started and ended the poem it really gave the poem closure. I also found it helpful that my group that the message of my poem was really clear.
ReplyDeleteOne comment I received was, "Something about the repetition of the poem makes the sadness beautiful and gentle. Also, the imagery of like flavors and tastes are really nice. The ending makes me happy and smile." I found this comment very helpful because it showed that the emotions and arc of the poem I wanted to portray were getting across, which encouraged me to further bring out these emotions and play more with the imagery.
ReplyDeleteAll across the board the most common comment on my poem was that people liked the return to the original message at the end, and that the poem built up to this repetition. So in response, I tried to emphasis this more by making my poems end closer still to the original stanza than it was before
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ReplyDeleteA piece of feedback that helped me revise was "it almost feels like the day you needed him the most he didn't show and now he's dead to you. " this helped me edit because it made me realize how my metaphors aren't clearly showing what I want to show, but give a different and just as strong meaning.
ReplyDeleteA piece of feedback I received was that I needed to clarify the theme of my poem. In order to make my poem more cohesive I needed to shift the structure of my poem from a train of thought to a more organized progression.
ReplyDeleteI was told to let the structure a little looser so that I could play with language in a non-constrained way; not everything has to rhyme or be the exact same line.
ReplyDeleteA comment that I received about my villanelle was that it would be more "enhanced" if I added progression in it. I can see why that would be so, but the way that I wrote this poem, was for the voice to be mellow and steady, and it would be more difficult for me to show progression anyway, because a villanelle follows a certain structure with repetition, so revising it would include rewriting instead of tweeking. I appreciate the feedback, and I will consider it next time for a villanelle.
ReplyDeleteOne of my partners commented on how the pantoum made them feel like they were in my head thinking through the lines. This helped me tune things accordingly and now my pantoum is a lot more fluid in the sense that the character is solidified and not just some anonymous blank who readers see as themselves.
ReplyDeleteOne of my peers commented that my poem could use stronger vocabulary to expouse my thoughts in a more understable way. Therfore, when revising, i avoided repeating phrases that reoccured in my poem and instead tried to be more straightforward with my language.
ReplyDeleteMy peers liked the repetition in my poems, and its simplicity. They liked the juxtaposition to the colors I describe. However, my peers said I could stick more to the original structure and develop the layers to my ideas a bit more.
ReplyDelete"I love how this is chronological. It conveys a story within a poem, making it more powerful, and sending a message to the readers about safety."
ReplyDeleteIt reinforced the idea that I was going with! I'm really happy that it worked out