Preface: Each of my poem's stanzas begins with a different form of the word "to" ("two," "too," and "to").
One really helpful piece of feedback that I got was that my second stanza wasn't as connected to the starting word as in my first and third stanzas. So I revised that stanza to clarify the connection between "too" and the following lines. I also incorporated the concept of creative grammar -- since my poem's title is actually "grammar," and it's about creativity, I felt like it would be ironic (but not in a good way) for me not to apply creative grammar techniques. Yesterday's feedback was especially helpful to me and incorporating it has made my poem much better.
A group member told me that the staccato-styled sentences featured in my second stanza really helped convey the anxious and agitated tone of this piece, so I tried to apply this style of writing to the rest of my poem to aid in maintaining these strong emotions throughout.
Shout out to Asia for making me feel awesome about my writing!! This is what she said: "Wow this is so, so unique. THIS IS SO WONDERFULLY WRITTEN. THIS IS VERY WELL FILLED WITH METAPHORS AND I CAN TOTALLY S EE WHAT IS THE MAIN IDEA GREAT JOB VERY INTERESTING….. "
My group member told me "the repetition in the last line is really effective at portraying how messed up deporting immigrants is. This is really strong". I really liked this comment because the reader understood the message I wanted to convey through my poem.
"I think your last line could be more final. It feels to me like a middle line -- like the arc hasn’t completed yet" I think this is really helpful because I think having a good line will end it right and catch the readers even more
I got a comment saying that my use of stanzas were great and it helped strengthen the overall meaning, but to make my whole poem better I could add the use of imagery and metaphors to make it more interesting and complex.
Someone made a comment that went a little bit like this, "Your reality, is your father's dream"..... this really touched me seriously, I get really emotional about my fathers past, and how unfortunate he was ;[. Anyways I love this comment because it really speaks to my father and his vision for his legacy[me] its just he couldn't have what I have. My father is the greatest man I have ever known and thinking about his horrible past makes me cry every time ;[.
One of my group members said that I succeeded in using soft, delicate imagery to convey a hard subject, which is a great compliment for me for that was what I tried to do.
One of the comments left by my peers suggested playing around more with repetition in the poem. Seeing this made me more inclined to take advantage of repeated lines and tie them in with the event taking place.
One of the comments on my poem said I could utilize personification even more in the poem because my topic and setting leaves so much room for elements being used as symbols. In addition, another person said I could cut down my poem so that it became more concise and thus more meaningful.
A comment I received was the personification of the fly to stand as an obstacle was a good technique. The rhyming helped in displaying the message and rhyming should be used throughout the poem.
Besides adding repetition to show how these thoughts are something I always think about, the six letter word activity was really helpful for the title and also for other parts of my poem.
One comment I found helpful stated that I had strong imagery in depicting the literal setting but suggested furthering my use of imagery to help convey the tone and emotions of the poem.
One comment that helped me a lot was that I should go more in depth with the literary devices that I had already lightly touched upon. It definitely helped me further my poem and make it so much stronger.
One comment that helped me was "This repetition is really beautiful and well done; it accentuates the moment and the poem as opposed to making it weirdly repetitive or bulky" . This comment helped me decide on what aspects I wanted the poem to focus on, and helped me play with punctuation with the repetition of the words to deliver my message in different ways.
I got a comment about further juxtaposing my vocabulary as someone who's learned the language with the idea that I'm writing about a moment in which I didn't understand anything people were saying, which prompted me to use more precise words to give this sort of ironic and slightly reflective tone in the poem that I think it really needed.
I was fortunate to not get critiques, just praise on my poem, with also commens on how the readers felt towards it, so I edited and added on stuff for myself. I started to revise it and take out unnecessary sentences and come to a cleaner conclusion. And that helped me improve the quality of my poem.
A helpful comment towards my poem was "You could make it stronger by using stronger words and making those words reveal your feelings." This was especially helpful because I worked on incorporating more complexity and intensity into the poem.
My group told me that the quality of my poem was great, but that at times I added too many adjectives. Looking back at my poem, I had to agree, and took out unnecessary adjectives that did not add, only took away, from my poem.
Someone in my group said that they liked that my poem was in a child's perspective instead of me looking back on my childhood
ReplyDeletePreface: Each of my poem's stanzas begins with a different form of the word "to" ("two," "too," and "to").
ReplyDeleteOne really helpful piece of feedback that I got was that my second stanza wasn't as connected to the starting word as in my first and third stanzas. So I revised that stanza to clarify the connection between "too" and the following lines. I also incorporated the concept of creative grammar -- since my poem's title is actually "grammar," and it's about creativity, I felt like it would be ironic (but not in a good way) for me not to apply creative grammar techniques. Yesterday's feedback was especially helpful to me and incorporating it has made my poem much better.
A group member told me that the staccato-styled sentences featured in my second stanza really helped convey the anxious and agitated tone of this piece, so I tried to apply this style of writing to the rest of my poem to aid in maintaining these strong emotions throughout.
ReplyDeleteShout out to Asia for making me feel awesome about my writing!! This is what she said: "Wow this is so, so unique. THIS IS SO WONDERFULLY WRITTEN. THIS IS VERY WELL FILLED WITH METAPHORS AND I CAN TOTALLY S EE WHAT IS THE MAIN IDEA GREAT JOB VERY INTERESTING….. "
ReplyDeleteMy group member told me "the repetition in the last line is really effective at portraying how messed up deporting immigrants is. This is really strong". I really liked this comment because the reader understood the message I wanted to convey through my poem.
ReplyDelete"I think your last line could be more final. It feels to me like a middle line -- like the arc hasn’t completed yet" I think this is really helpful because I think having a good line will end it right and catch the readers even more
ReplyDeleteI got a comment saying that my use of stanzas were great and it helped strengthen the overall meaning, but to make my whole poem better I could add the use of imagery and metaphors to make it more interesting and complex.
ReplyDeleteSomeone made a comment that went a little bit like this, "Your reality, is your father's dream"..... this really touched me seriously, I get really emotional about my fathers past, and how unfortunate he was ;[. Anyways I love this comment because it really speaks to my father and his vision for his legacy[me] its just he couldn't have what I have. My father is the greatest man I have ever known and thinking about his horrible past makes me cry every time ;[.
ReplyDeleteOne of my group members said that I succeeded in using soft, delicate imagery to convey a hard subject, which is a great compliment for me for that was what I tried to do.
ReplyDeleteI got a lot of good 6 word memoirs to include in my poem and everyone one was super supportive in something so personal which was so great and nice.
ReplyDeleteOne of the comments left by my peers suggested playing around more with repetition in the poem. Seeing this made me more inclined to take advantage of repeated lines and tie them in with the event taking place.
ReplyDeleteOne of the comments on my poem said I could utilize personification even more in the poem because my topic and setting leaves so much room for elements being used as symbols. In addition, another person said I could cut down my poem so that it became more concise and thus more meaningful.
ReplyDeleteA comment I received was the personification of the fly to stand as an obstacle was a good technique. The rhyming helped in displaying the message and rhyming should be used throughout the poem.
ReplyDeleteBesides adding repetition to show how these thoughts are something I always think about, the six letter word activity was really helpful for the title and also for other parts of my poem.
ReplyDeleteOne comment I found helpful stated that I had strong imagery in depicting the literal setting but suggested furthering my use of imagery to help convey the tone and emotions of the poem.
ReplyDeleteOne comment that helped me a lot was that I should go more in depth with the literary devices that I had already lightly touched upon. It definitely helped me further my poem and make it so much stronger.
ReplyDeleteOne comment that helped me was "This repetition is really beautiful and well done; it accentuates the moment and the poem as opposed to making it weirdly repetitive or bulky" . This comment helped me decide on what aspects I wanted the poem to focus on, and helped me play with punctuation with the repetition of the words to deliver my message in different ways.
ReplyDeleteSomeone in my group asked me if the numbers mean anything, they didn't so I made them mean something to mean and it adds a layer to the poem.
ReplyDeleteI got a comment about further juxtaposing my vocabulary as someone who's learned the language with the idea that I'm writing about a moment in which I didn't understand anything people were saying, which prompted me to use more precise words to give this sort of ironic and slightly reflective tone in the poem that I think it really needed.
ReplyDeleteI was fortunate to not get critiques, just praise on my poem, with also commens on how the readers felt towards it, so I edited and added on stuff for myself. I started to revise it and take out unnecessary sentences and come to a cleaner conclusion. And that helped me improve the quality of my poem.
ReplyDeleteA helpful comment towards my poem was "You could make it stronger by using stronger words and making those words reveal your feelings." This was especially helpful because I worked on incorporating more complexity and intensity into the poem.
ReplyDeleteMy group told me that the quality of my poem was great, but that at times I added too many adjectives. Looking back at my poem, I had to agree, and took out unnecessary adjectives that did not add, only took away, from my poem.
ReplyDelete